thedarknessandthedawn

that funny feeling

2007-04-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

I have a funny feeling that this may very well be my last post..
yep
it is
im just not all that into computers or long distance relationships with the world
its been fun
those of you that want to find me, write me, call me...you know where im at...that is what matters...and know that i know where you're at too.
that is all.

ciao

Oh the Christmas magnetic pull to Winkler

2006-11-24T08:53:00.000-08:00

As per usual...I want to go HOME for Christmas.
Fortunately, it is going to come together...better than i expected...
Ill be spending Christmas eve and Day with Sean's family and then flying into Winnipeg and home to Winkler on December 26th...those in the WpG and Winkler area...let's be in touch. it will be good to see you.
love
kelly

2006-10-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

wow it's been awhile

I don't have steady internet access...soo...this kinda goes to pot.
sorry.
for anyone and everyone who cares:

I am well...
teaching about 35 students currently
writing music consistently
playing/writing/recording with Thunder and Wine
embracing simplicity
walking outdoors and tracing leaves
drinking coffee
learning how to be FAMILY with those around me
loving Sean steadily

all is well.

see ya again on here perhaps sooner than later.

then again, i may just get my wax sealer...and will quit all forms of internet commmunication completely.
until then, all the best

kelly

yet another move

2006-09-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

hey
just thought you should know
im moving
again
back downtown
to a gorgeous place, with a wonderful gal.

new number 519-271-2609
new address...TBA

:> kelly is happy.
kelly will burn insence and light candles till her heart is content
mmmmhmmm
so good

k

the gig tonight... 8PM

2006-08-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

hey everyone...sorry this has come so late...but here it is nonetheless...

8pm starting time for the music tonight...im doing stuff from the cd and not, some stuff on my own and also with the 2 amazing guys that came with me...

would love to see you all!

that's at 1027 the place...8PM the time

love
k

gig in winker on tuesday

2006-08-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

hey anyone in our area...
we're playing 1027 on tuesday night...come check it out...should be spectac :>
love
k

4 ontarions making their way to winks

2006-08-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

we're leaving tonight...
4 of us, one ghetto camper van...one pregnant woman ...3 wanna be hope to be rockstars...all on the way to winks. so good. see you soon.
k

just 2 more sleeps

2006-07-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

my mamma is coming to see me. just me. so good.
i can hardly wait.
k

just in time for the Harvest Festival

2006-07-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

hey
if you live in Winkler, or surrounding area...
know this
i and 3 friends
are making our way across our fair and broad land...
to be in Winks for the debut of the Harvest Festival...hehehe. soo good
look forward to seeing you then
k

right next to yesterday

2006-07-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

are we back together
you and i
were we ever apart
ever estranged
ever jilted lovers
that did exchange one kiss
for
betrayal
do i know you
as you know
me
my ways
take me not gently if you can be firm
take me not cautiously
at the risk of vain glory
take me strong
take me realized
with open eyes and knowing fists
unclenched

copyright kellyrobinboyes 2006

iceland

2006-07-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

if i am not here tomorrow
the subject line will tell you where you can attempt to locate me
if you should care to do so
k

of life and men

2006-05-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

greetings
ive taken a break from reading a good friends first book (not yet published, but boy o boy when it is...) and am trying to pull my captivated mind back to the world of waking reality, in order to make some kind of "human" connection with you all...

it has been quite an amount of time, once again since the last entry...which, upon reading over again, i realize was quite short and vague. my sister has come and gone with her usual ease and craziness, thunder and wine did their first radio show (to air in a week or so...ill let you know when i know) i hit up T.O. rendezvouing with treasured friends and talking at length of italy and music and certain creative shifts, walking the lake shore walk and drinking green juice. ive also dipped into the USofA as of late, been writing more than i can analyze and dreaming more and more of the impossible. ive had a much anticipated intense phone call with a good friend, rung up another long lost frined from my winkler days, reunited myself with the joy of organic wine, cooked african pile up for the band, and swam in the cool waters of smorgan's pool. o wow. it's good. really good.

now that we are all caught up...
here is what is on the horizon, and perhaps some thoughts strewn through as well.

i may be switching over jobs, from teaching music to selling it...more on this to come if i make that decision. the pro's would be set hours and set pay (right now my hours varry, as does my pay)...these two features would allow for me to make my apartment move sooner than later, and to live (fingers crossed) without any roomates. this is a feature i have been desiring for years, yet never able to attain for many reasons. since ive done my communal time, i figure it's only fair. there is a sweet (ok, actually a shady) bachelorette suite just above where i am nowwith aaron and shan opening up shortly...i would like to secure this little closet and call it home. anyway, this job would allow me this luxury...also, id learn a heck of a lot about music and instruments and all that good stuff...so...just thinking at the moment...the other side of it is way less down time and free time to write and play. i guess with some discipline and manouvering i could still find enough time...but... as i said, ill let you know when i decide.

thunder and wine continues on, dreaming and writing...waiting for word on our drummer and anticipating what is to come in our not so distant future.

in looking through the desires in my own heart, talking with the boys in the band and my friend/producer/manager/but kicker i have decided to pursue dual musical careers. this affords me the use of the treasured band name 'the aforementioned' which i adore and everyone else laughs at...and allows me to develop as an artist and songwriter. it is a unique challange with many curves ahead, but i feel much grace and courage for the journey. in plain terms, i will be working within thunder and wine, and also going after my own stuff, seperate from the boys. this is fun too, as there is so much artistic variation in the air...it's just more venues to explore. i am more convinced then ever about the passion behind creative shift and look forward to that growing and becoming what it is meant to be.

depending on what happens with my job this summer, i may be headener to Winks...perhaps with band members as well. this is something we are all looking forward to...yet has not been mapped out at all. word has it that my sis and good friend bonzi are trying ot lay us out some gigs for the home "tour"...these efforts are much appreciated...

oh, and if a random couple of grande happen to show up in my hands, i'm out of here. just as simple as that. you'll find me somewhere in Western Europe, and if not there, check Iceland.

other than that, my life is crammed full of walking around the avon river and thinking, mostly quietly to myself.

ciao for now
k

gumby goes east...so good

2006-05-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

just so we all know
my hot incredible talented wonderful remarkable sister is hitting the world of stratford this saturday
so good
one more sleep

thunder & wine

2006-05-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

hey

check out www.thunderandwine.blogspot.com or email us at thunderandwine@hotmail.com

this is my familyfriendsband...it's 4 boys and one lady, a lot of mystery and creativity.
we will be updating our blog as regularly as possible with the info and all that, when aaron gets his adobe all ironed out on his computer that is now at home. ALSO ill keep you posted as to when we have our site, as that will be more of the journey and experience...stay tuned.

for now, enjoy.

k

so i forgot i was moving...

2006-04-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

hey
my good intentions of doing a one a day mini-series of my heart, are kinda going to pot for now...because ms ma'am over here forgot she is moving THIS weekend.
mmhmmm, nothing packed, lots of music going on and very little time to think and write...AND my computer access will be slim and shady (ha) at best for a few days...so...
hang in there with me, please.
much love.
remember i have a new address (mailing) and phone number now...

k

post cd release...missing in action

2006-04-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

many of you who love and pray for me and continue to believe in me have been wondering how i am post cd release. and all of you that were just mentioned will know that i have avoided answering that question at all costs lately, because simply i "just don't know".

i've been putting off answering this question and really exploring my heart the way i put off making phone calls, even to people i love. it's really not the party on the other end that i dread, so much as something within that just holds me back. so today, for reasons unknown ive decided just to dive in and go there.

as you all well know, life in kellyrobinland has been busy, adventurous, risky, exciting, vulnerable and summed up as a journey in the last year after embarking on the making of The Darkness and The Dawn. to begin with, this is a childhood dream, a dream not breathed to another that has actually come true. it has also been Christ, revealing facets of Himself to me the whole way through...healing me, pushing me, shaping me, killing me. the longer we delved into this project, the more people that came on board, the bigger the vision became the more it has begun to do a number on my heart. nothing like dreams coming true to expose the good, bad and ugly, hey? who would've thought.

i relayed to a good friend (just this day in writing) that i felt overwhelmed and a bit shut down as of right now. and that in fact i had been feeling this way since the time i spent up at the gorgeous cabin recording. somehow in the moment, when experience, dreams, hopes, risk, emotion and God all collide, it can be easier to set your heart aside. easier perhaps for the present, but certainly not for the days to follow. and not easier, if you desire to live life ALIVE and connected to his heart and those around you.

it's time i start to live, i once heard you say
some things are better said, some things not meant to wait
to know the passion and the pain
to see what it is You see, it's everything im trying to believe
and it's really quiet and screaming loud
it's devastating and altogether beautiful.

(lyrics from a song i wrote called "windows" copyrightkrb/06)

this is where i am at now, and where i belive my honest heart desires to remain. and, as i begin to slow down, to take a full step back and embrace again His reality, everything becomes strangely peaceful and very clear.

right now this all feels quite ambiguous and too wishywashy to lend any real insight. while many things right now are intimate and to be hidden for a time, there remain things i would like to share. so here is what i decided to do...for the next days (as consecutively as i can do it) im going to compile a collage of thought, experience and conversations. these fragments will piece together a whole. it's the way i think and the only way i know how to communicate these days. so yeah, keep your eyes peeled for about one a day in a little "mini series"...

thankx for the love...
stay tuned...

k

a late night, a friend and good 'ol J.D. Salinger

2006-04-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

late last night after hanging with my pinsayraymorganboyes family, doing the things we normally do: drinking peppermint tea, or a glass of wine, talking of today and hopes of a rockstar future tomorrow, challanging one another to duals of cowboy/ninja/bear, playing songs that are in the making after much chiding and jeering and kissing up and then just lazing around sleeping and not sleeping, laughing and being serious...one of the above mentioned family memebers and i got into an even later late night conversation that is still affecting me to this day. sleep could not ware off the importance of what we talked about and the simple yet beautiful way God decided to reign in our hearts.

i think too often i am guilty of complicating life and love and mostly God. i am, i really am. that became utterly clear last night as we began to ask eachother simple questions that evoked much thought and emotion about the Love of our lives.

if i remember correctly, it went a lot like this:
(me, on the verge of falling asleep. my good friend reading "the scarlet letter" no where near sleep at this time)

"friend, when did you come to know God?"
"about 6 years ago now i think. why?"
"just wondering"
silence for about 3 and a half minutes.
"friend, did you always know about God, when you were growing up?"
"i was raised catholic...so..."
"oh yeah, i knew that sorry."
" it wasn't the whole picture, right...but..."
"yeah"
more silence. pages turning.
"i know you're reading, but can i ask you something? it's a strange question."
laughter
"of course. besides i can do both at the same time. what is it?"
pause
" um, what's your favorite thing about God? I know it's strange, but...don't have to answer right away or at all if you don't want to..."
"yeah, it is strange, but i like it. hold on."
silence
" i think i like that he is so personal, with everyone. he just knows you , right? he's the only one that can really kick my but and not give me pretense or anything. i mean, anyone can be encouraging and positive. your spouse, familiy, friends...but actually i like the firm side of him. i know he loves me. growing up i didn't have a lot of rules or anything like that, so i was really free to do what i wanted to...and to do a lot of i never wanted to, you know? yeah, i like that about him. i don't know, i guess a lot of things."
"and you?"
sigh.
"i don't know right now"
"how come?"
" i don't know, really i don't"
"so much has changed for me, and im really fighting through a lot of what i have known and percieved and who it is Jesus really is. i mean, He is terrific. He's my favorite, He really is. but a lot of religious stuff has gotten tangled up all around His name, and it's made me really sick of a lot, and kind of angry...so it's been strange."
" are you ok?"
"yeah, i think so. i just miss Him."
"how do you usually connect with Him, what does your heart in?"
"usually through music, and just the ordinary, really simple things. really simple. i miss simplicity. i miss him."
a lot of silence. im really close to sleep by now, but just before i hear Him say my full name, "Kelly Robin" and there is just something in the way He says it...
" i know what i like most about Him right now."
"ok, what?"
"that He calls me by my full name. i really like that. Kelly Robin, and He says the full thing. it makes me feel like a little girl and a beautiful woman all at the same time. that's what i like right now. feeling safe and courageous at the same time. "
" i like that too"
"friend, thanks for talking to me and all that"
laughter
"what, most people wouldn't? just kidding. it's good. thankyou."
finally, sleep.
i think my friend keeps reading for awhile.

and in that, i remember the simple things that won my heart and ill hold onto and fight for, always.

new address as of this weekend

2006-04-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

here it is, my new address and phone number that will be in effect as of Saturday, April 29

Kelly Boyes (Along with Aaron and Shannon McGill)
#80 Ontario St
Stratford, ON
N5A 3H2

519-273-9143

love you all
k

i think this is how we'll roll for now

2006-04-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

ok my treasured friends and family from far and near...

until i have pap set up through the creative shift website, and/or our Highlands site...
if you send me a cheque or money order...for $20 I will send you the cd.
those of you in Winks, ill send a bunch to my 'rents probably in May, as i think my sis is coming to visit, so ill return them with her. for the rest of you...let's do it the mail way for now ok?

as of tomorrow, ill be able to give you a new mailing address and phone number. i am moving within Stratford, to the Downtown area at the end of this month. so until tomorrow, here is what i am thinking :)

thankyou to all of those who prayed for me and the band this weekend. our outdoor gig was a blast, and the cd came out beautifully! can't wait to share it with you.

more to come...for now i must jet to work. got to love teaching little people music :)

k

the dawn...and beyond

2006-04-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

3 cheers.

it is all finished and i will have the first copy in my hand tonight over a glass of red.

thank you with all sincerity to EVERYONE who has stood with me, supported me and loved me through the entire journey of this cd. it has been a wonderful, intense and challanging endeavour...and i would do it all again. (but for now, im happy to cheers and drink to it)

for anyone who preordered, the cd's are being set aside and will be sent out to you at the beginning of May.

for my friends in Manitoba, we'll talk, ill call yah and we will work something out.

to anyone in Wink, im thinking of sending a bunch to my 'rents and establishing SMURF EMPORIUM as a pick up point ... so ill let you know on that one, ok?

again, much love and thanks.

on another note, if you could pray...

this is the end of something incredible in my life but also only just the beginning. i have a band now, some of my most favorite people in the world who just happen to be stunning musicians. it all came together at just the right time. also, i am with jon patell's label, called Creative Shift. this excites me more than anything, as the heart is to see the music scene as we know it now, turned upside down, or "on its ear". that means new ways of creating and sharing music. this is definately in the beginning stages, but each step is taken with honesty and courage and we are trusting God has already made the way, and we are following in it. it is exciting. the arts are exploding all around us, and it is time to be real, and to be embedded in His heart. no compromise and nothing half-ass. again, exciting but also unknown.
i desire wisdom and discernment, humility and honesty...and creativity unbarred.

there it is for now.

much love

k

tonight...tomorrow...or perhaps at dawn

2006-04-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

we are going to see the beautiful reveal of this journey...
ill let you know more as i know more

peace

k

thought this would be a good idea

2006-04-01T23:37:00.000-08:00

if you know Jon Patell, you should email him and tell him that he's a remarkable guy.
perhaps tell him that you love him, or that you write songs about him in your spare time. or if you are a student of the past, fess up to all your secret crimes... and if you're josh, make up a killer rap for him, on the spot. definately you should tell him that you go crazy for the band name "The Aformentioned" and you think that scratch and sniff nag champa in every darkness and dawn cd is an incredible idea!

no seriously, he is remarkable and has put a bizillion hours into something that is precious to me. the cd, and also my heart's journey with the Father. Jon knows Him, really well...the secrets and the mysteries. it does not take much to see that he is like Him, a lot like Him. the standard he is raising for honesty and purity, for integrity and courage and wild creativity constantly blows me away and causes the deep places in my heart to dream for more. it is convicting and inspiring at the same time. the vision is awesome.

email him when you have time and pass on the love...and if you live within walking or even parachuting distance of jp, bring the guy by some nutella, or tea...or a good beer...

i mean, come on if you need more reason than that he edits and tweaks and mixes in his dank basement room on a makeshift milkcrate stool...ill give you plenty...but that deserves a little love and appreciation all on its own.

it's way too late. im exhausted and incredibly excited...finally.
love to jp
more to come...

k

i'm holding my breath...and figured you should too

2006-04-01T12:21:00.000-08:00

hey all
we (my band and i...hehehe) are heading to toronto tonight to hear the latest d and d developments.
we are praying that the small miracle of finishing recording will be indeed answered upon our arrival...and that the bigger miracle of having it mixed down, printed and ready to go by April 13th will follow suit.

like the title said. i'm holding my breath, and 'cause you love me I know you will too.

love you all

k

to my boys from Winnipeg...whom i adore (and their pretty wives)

2006-03-30T12:47:00.000-08:00

it has to do with a certain darkness and a certain dawn.
and a certain goal to have a hardcopy for April 13th...
you do the math.
k

what is so special about Saturday you say?

2006-03-28T09:19:00.000-08:00

can't tell you yet.

k

sometimes you can't make it on your own

2006-03-21T17:22:00.000-08:00

for now i am only going to say this...
because im desperate to have my heart heard
but lacking in time necessary to expand on the thoughts at this time...

i would covet prayer right now.
the cd is almost finished.
but with the end in sight comes the beginning of many new things.
jon and i both have a heart that believes the music world can be run differently than what we have seen. that worship is to have no borders and akward religious paramaters, that climbing the christian corporate ladder is repulsive.
i have not been broken like this for a long time.
probably since zack and i ended. and for those of you that remember, that was devestating. i draw the comparison, only because it is intense and life altering.
i believe the Father is up to something in music, and i desire to see...to make wise choices, to be humble and take risks.
again, please pray.
i welcome your input and thoughts...
more to come.
for those of you who know me well, there are 3 specific things i am asking God about right now.
if you have any light, or feel Him saying anything to you about me that you can share...id be well amped. im learning that as our beloved Bono sings ..." you don't have to go it alone..."

love you all.

k

hey Tony...It's March Madness...

2006-03-16T08:24:00.000-08:00

Just remembering nail biting play off games in a certain basement of the smurf emporium...aka my house in Wink.
and now look at us.

just thinking.
teehee.
ill call you this weekend...we can talk ball.

this is turning into a one-track blog...oh well

2006-03-07T15:40:00.000-08:00

what do i have to say? was there ever any question? more about the current music that is my world at the moment!

once again, the JP/Josh Slye crew hit up Stratford with guns blazing and new monitors blaring. sooo good. thankyou sincerely to the Ray and Marlene Shantz (and Evan and Linda) for the use of their home and baby G piano. beautiful, as per usual.

a new and incredible addition to this project is Aaron McGill. Aaron is one of those guys that you love to hate because he is just so damn good. he really is. drums, bass, guitar...you name it...and KEYS...yes, KEYS... and to beat all, he's an awesome guy who loves God and others genuinely and passionately. i think i speak for us all, when i say it was a pleasure to have Aaron this past weekend and definitely look forward to having him around for awhile! (BIIIGG SMILE)

once again, Aaron was able to kick an awesome drum track and jon never fails to create something wonderful on the guitar. and, for those of you who are wondering...did Aaron play the piano this weekend or did Kelly (now that master pianist Nathaniel is happily over seas?) well...drum roll please...it was I. yes, moi.

though my piano skills (like my numchuk skills) are steadily improving, i still fight feverishly to play to a click...and when it comes to playing and singing at the same time...singing has to win out and piano playing becomes quite basic. perhaps this frustrates only me, i don't know. but sometimes it really bothers me. the reality is, i know i know...that my identity is NOT in what i do...and the boys go out of their way to make sure i know im loved no matter what...but sometimes it's just frustrating. worst enemy, worst critic...you know the drill.
so ill keep pounding away in my little downtown studio with a view, and trust that one day what i hear in my head will coordinate with what i play on the keys. and until then, you know ill be writing new songs and playing them (kinda shy-like) for my good friends who then take a simple melody and the heart behind it and run with it...creating beautiful, incredible music.

i have great friends. i really do.

the incredible brazilian and the one take wonders

2006-02-27T08:21:00.000-08:00

this past weekend i blew into Tdot via the trusted (but very pricey) "Stratford Airporter", to meet up with JP, monsieur Slye and a crazy awesome brazilian friend called Junior. Junior Secco...or is that Seco...or Seccco? heaven only knows.

by the time i arrived, the boys had the ever transient 'studio 1014' up and ready in the upper rooms of TACF. we set out to completely rebuild a song, and did so rather painlessly.
junior nailed a drum line in no time at all...and jon, being the flexible genius that he is quickly recorded a gorgeous new guitar part. all this made my job terifically easy. and that was to lay a new vocal track, which i think happened in about 4 and a half minutes. unreal. so good.
we got that song completely nailed. and, i dare say, if josh and i hadn't been so damn particular about what we would have for lunch that day, we would have easily layed a killer bass track to that song, and perhaps even finished another one. haha.

all this to say, it was great to be with the boys again. (no you're boyes...i know cobain, i know)
i adore them all very much. and i can feel that that the end is nearing, and i love the sound and the way God's heart is moving through this recording, and through us to eachother.
it is remarkable.

love you boys. and love to all my friends and family...keep praying...we're almost there...for real...

k

these should say most of what i would like to...

2006-02-27T08:19:00.000-08:00

i decided to post a few more of the recent poem/songs, as they seem to say what it is i would like to...but can't seem to string together in a sentence. enjoy.

this is me being sincere

2006-02-27T08:09:00.000-08:00

promise me ill be better tomorrow
promise me ill see differently
promise me the winds of change are going to blow
promise me ill believe

love

let it be beautiful
let it be gripping
let it tell of my future and forgive the past

love

promise me mercy unending
promise me ill speak honestly
promise me love i can never afford
promise me ill believe

love

let it be beautiful
let it be gripping
let it tell of my future and forgive my past
love
let it be remarkable
let it be holy
let it unravel this web and alight my soul

love

kellyboyes 2006

for the girl with a clove

2006-02-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

she lights seven candles
she lights a cigarette
she writes in small black letters
she writes things left unsaid
and she dances in less than moonlight
when she thinks no one is watching
but she knows better

'cause baby
the whole world is watching you tonight
yeah baby, the whole world is listening to you somehow
the whole world is watching
take courage...courage my love

she breathes in music
she breathes in Jesus
she leaves papers scattered
she leaves some books unread
and she sings walk'n down a one way
when she thinks no one is listening
but she knows better

'cause baby
the whole world is listening to you tonight
yeah baby, the whole world is watching you somehow
the whole world is listening to you tonight
take courage, courage my love

'cause legends grace your walls
and angels walk your stairs
you're more alive than dead tonight
you believe in simple things
and dream of greater days
and a gentle hand weighs heavy on your heart

baby the whole world is watching
baby the whole world is listening
take courage
courage my love

kellyboyes 2006

a melody

2006-02-27T07:59:00.000-08:00

tracing concrete shadows
chasing open windows
wandering with my eyes closed
all through the night

overturning tables
shutting closed doors gently
waiting with hands held open
all through the night

understanding secrets
stringing pearls together
watching what i can not see
all through the night

mirroring reflection
one i perceive dimly
touching tomorrow right now
all through the night

kellyboyes 2006

when all else fails

2006-02-23T08:42:00.001-08:00

here's something ive been working on as of late...

ive been thinking lately on California and days gone by
on making poverty history and why things in this life are just the way they are
and ive been writing a hundred things to do before i die
but only one stands out right now
and it's the first

it's that ive loved you for a really long time
loved you for a really long time
loved you for a really long time
and i can't tell you why

and ive been wondering lately about grey as my favorite color
on the problem of pain
and why it is sometimes im terribly shy inside
and ive been writing a hundred things to do before i die
but only one stands out right now
and it's the first

ive been thinking lately about 'fix you' as an anthem on the soundtrack of my life
ive been wondering lately if i could ever be so brave
as to look you in the eyes...

because ive loved you for a really long time
loved you for a really long time
loved you for a really long time
and one day , maybe one night
ill tell you why

kellyrobinboyes 2006

the dawn has a date...

2006-02-14T18:33:00.000-08:00

....drum roll pleeeaassseee....
i am extremely pleased and well-amped to announce that the Darkness and the Dawn has a release date...well, MONTH would be the better word (the date will be established as the time draws nearer) and that long anticipated, month is....badaummmm...

APRIL

please continue to pray for us and believe with us for what God is doing in and through this music. from the getgo this has not been my idea, or even my vision. and i, along with Jon Patell (the infamous producer) Joshua Slye (the creative engineer and my big bro) desire more than anything to finish this in humility and with excellence, and with the Holy Spirit all over the entire thing. we believe that this is just the beginning. that we are living in a time where the arts are being awakened are released across the world, calling all creation to live in Awe and Wonder of our Creator.

if anyone is interested in pre-ordering or "mass" ordering the cd (so you can sell them in your neck of the woods) please email me at KellyRobinBoyes@gmail.com or call 519-273-4615. they are $20 flat...and as time goes on the procedes will also be shared with a vision such as ZAO water, Make Poverty History or some other such cause that has grabbed my heart.

love you all...and thanx tremendously for the constant support

k

let's NOT joke around...

2006-02-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

uncertain of exactly how to begin this, let me say that i love when the past is the past. when terrible things die and never again haunt our memory. i love when God does a miracle.

it's hard, on the other hand, when the past constantly revisits and stakes claim in your life. when you are haunted by mistakes made in innocence. when God has done the greatest miracle of all, and you still don't see light.

that is kind of where i am at right now. for those of you who don't know me at all, i struggled for 12 years with anorexia and bulhemia. it is a devil i would never wish upon anyone. it is a war for your mind and a complete takeout of your body. it is consuming and devastates all those close to you. i was a brutally unhappy girl during those years. i faked it as best i could, as long as i could...but if you were close to me at all...you knew the truth. the sleepless nights, rigorous - no religious training and eating regime, the constant anger and control etc.

all that to say, the summer of 2000 God gave me a miracle. He gave me Peace and an invitation to a relationship with Him. I was changed, instantly.

for a time i soared effortlessly with new hope and joy and enjoyed the wonder of being alive.

for the most part, i still do.

i am coming to see, however that the miracle within me Christ in me MUST be constantly, continually worked out. that i rest in grace and His finished work, but i am always changing and growing to be the one He created me to be. for me, right now...the pursuit is for the inner and outer revelation of BEAUTY. i don't mean blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'9...i mean authentic beauty.
beauty that reflects the wonder of Christ.

at present, this is a struggle with many tears and emotions i never even knew i held.

but it is something worth fighting for, worth finding.

just thought i'd let you know.

franny and zooey and the organic wonder of Christ

2006-01-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

i just finished reading J.D. Salinger's "Franny and Zooey".
if you have not yet read it, i highly propose that you do...sooner than later.
seems in the worn folds of this self acclaimed " skimpy-looking book" are some of the clearest wonders and complexities and bold faced simplicities of Christ and what it is to find Him and sincerely follow Him. for my wondering heart and desperate desire to actually follow Christ, and not just nurse the machine...this book held a promise. it held scrutiny over my heart and motives. it brought refreshing truth quickly to the surface. i doubt this was Salinger's original attempt or even a thought at the back of his mind...but, then again who knows. what i know is all that it evoked in me. read it for yourself and see.
perhaps, not unlike many others...ive been wrestling with daily following Christ. not being part of an organization or religion, or even this airy group of believers. but actually following, ingesting, living a life like the One i call my Saviour.
franny and zooey explores what it is to love and serve Christ. the REAL Christ. not an organization, or ideal, or a suuped up God. In an intimate and heated conversation, zooey challenges his sister franny on why it is she is saying the "Jesus" prayer. amongst many other things, zooey goes on to say...

"Im bringing this up for a good reason. im bringing it up because i don't think you understood Jesus when you were a child and i don't think you understand him now. I think you've got him confused with about five or ten other religious personages, and i don't see how you can go ahead with the Jesus prayer till you know who's who and what's what..."

this hit me straight on. growing up in the church and knowing Jesus from a young age has been both a gift and curse. a gift, for ive known truth for a very long time...and a curse becuase what is presented in much of church and throughout history of Christ is manufactured and altered to suit human desires and tendency. as of late, i find myself earnestly seeking the Truth of Christ and His Life and Heart. i am learning to humble myself, to read with open eyes and listen with an expectant Spirit. He is challenging me in my lifestyle and actions. in my priorities. in Love. and i am more excited and genuinely certain about following Him then i have ever been before. simply because, it is not about me anymore. it is not about a denomination or gift or call. or the prophetic. or worship. it is about Him. plain and simple. and i like that, a lot. and, im learning anew that i really like Jesus. i mean, yeah...i Love Him, how can i not. but i like him too. i like who He is, what He stands for, how He lives.

..."the part that stumps me, really stumps me, is that i can't see why anybody-unless he was a child, or an angel, or a lucky simpleton like the pilgrim-would even want to say the prayer to a Jesus who was the least bit different from the way he looks and sounds in the New Testament. My God! He's only the most intelligent man in the Bible, that's all! Who isnt' he head and shoulders over? WHO? Both Testaments are full of pundits, prophets, disciples, favorite sons, Solomons, Isaiahs, Davids, Pauls-but, my God, who besides Jesus really knew which end was up? NOBODY. not Moses,. Don't tell me Moses. HE was a nice man, and he kept in beautiful touch with his God and all that-but that's exactly the point. He had to keep in touch..."

now for the clincher

..."Jesus realized there IS no separation from God."

truth. i am inspired to know Jesus for Jesus. to live Life, in death. to actually Love and be loved. and somehow, at just the right time for my human heart, i happened upon this upstanding literature and was encouraged at the core of my being. so good. like i said, i really LIKE Jesus.

ill leave you with this

..."who else, for example, would have kept his mouth shut when Pilate asked for an explanation? Not Solomon. Don't say Solomon. Solomon would have had a few pithy words for the occasion. im not sure Socrates wouldn't have, for that matter. Crito, or somebody, would have managed to pull him aside just long enough to get a couple of well-chosen words for the record. But most of all, above everything else, who in the Bible besiege Jesus knew-KNEW-that we're carrying the Kingdom of Heaven around with us, inside, where we're all too goddam stupid and sentimental and unimaginative to look? You would have to BE a Son of God to know that kind of stuff.

read the book. seriously, do.

update

2006-01-19T17:57:00.000-08:00

just so you all know...
i gave my 2 weeks at the coffee shop this very morning.
and no, ww3 did not break out over it. and yes, on some levels i will miss it.
and yes...God revealed love, compassion, grace, humility, humiliation, poverty and richness in my time there.
and YES i am excited to be finished..at the end of this month.
and YES this means more time for music.
hehehe and many other things i adore.
thank God.
love you all...and thanx for walking me through this...

the darkness and the dawn

2006-01-15T15:11:00.000-08:00

for those of you who are not familiar with Jon Patell and the Badass Boys...let me introduce you.
jon is one of my very good friends, and the producer of my first cd...to be released in early spring. the bad ass boys are a whole gamut of amazing musicians; some long standing friends, others new to my life and definitely quickly becoming well loved. jon and the boys have been working for the better part of a year now on this record.
it started off as an offer, something i almost didn't take seriously or put my hopes in. it moved into a make-shift studio, that we now refer to as "1014". 1014 is a tiny hotel room in Toronto. from there we were in and out of patell's house, gracing a gorgeous cabin on the lake, back to the house, then my stairwell...and now, most recently we ventured to the town of Shakespeare to a loft with a grand piano.
just as the recording has had many homes, the cd has had many faces. the original vision for the disc was an acoustic, piano driven album. it is now full band and beyond.

what a journey.

i am learning more about God and Love and Life and my own heart through this project than i could ever have anticipated. i knew the project would push me spiritually and musically, but i had no idea how that would take shape.
i have come face to face with lies and devastating insecurities.
i have embraced beauty and the wonder of melody and creative song.
i have been vulnerable.
i have been embarrassed.
i have let others in.
i have been broken, and in awe as friends bend over backwards because they believe in what God is doing in and through this music.
i have been terrified.
i have been healed.
i have learned to love and risk again.

i know that God orchestrated this whole thing for a purpose far greater than the killer music, i must admit we are creating. teehee. He did this, in many ways to win my heart, and teach me to trust, to believe, to sacrifice, to serve, to be in grace...to LOVE and be LOVED. He has used Jon Patell, my producer to mirror image His heart for me. He has used my friends who have selflessly contributed to this album...to show me the wonders of love and friendship...and of His desire for the body of Christ to be One. in all reality, it has left me undone.

by the time this cd is finished, it will have been about a year in coming...sometimes we laugh about this, sometimes i wanted to cry about this...im sure jon's roommates have wanted to kill us many times (as Jon would often listen to select parts of a song over and over and over and OVER again...for editing purposes...thanx guys, you're troopers!!!) and no doubt at 2 or 3 or 4 in the morning, im sure jon's been more than ready to let it go...but he didn't. i didn't. we didn't and most of all God has continued to be with us throughout the entire way...even to this day. i believe that it has had to take this long...if only for me...to get it. to see the big picture...to rest and trust and believe in the promises and faithfulness of God. i have seen it time and again laced through the project, and echoed in the lives of all those who have been part of this.

...and though the project is nearing completion...a new realm of opportunity, possibility and adventure continues to unfold...so good.

so my good friend mattu...

2006-01-13T07:57:00.000-08:00

im currently working on a post entitled "why am i NOT a hippie?", (sarcastic, empathetically, excited stress on the word NOT) which will be finished soon enough. however, this new blog site just adds to the secret (or perhaps not so secret) affection i share with the hippies of old, and the artsy ones of all centuries. thankyou Matthew Wiebe for his EXPERTISE in blogging and making it look damn good. he did a great job, if i may say so myself. and he gave me step by step directions that were so good, im hoping to hire him as my p.a. for the rest of my life. seriously. matt had a list of criteria for this site...i think it was something like this

organic
earthy
with room for voicing a heart against poverty
and of course with a rock star edge...

well done matt and thank you.

why am i NOT a hippie?

2006-01-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

i mean, let's not joke around. peace. love. more peace. harmony. love.
and good drinks. great music. tight relationships; family. non-restrictive clothing. flowing hair. wild flowers. no shitty 9-5's. mystical art.

oh yeah and major od's. orphan children. depression. fines. jail time. suicide.

so then i think to myself...
i am part of the BODY of Christ. how much more hippiesque could you get...really?
part of a family, a community, a belief beyond myself...part of a Man, of God. i love that.
i am in the Creator, and He is in me. His creation and mystery is ever before me.
and He is Love. all He lived, and taught...was Love. In Love and for Love.

im being challanged, as of late to reasses love. to allow it to move and define my life as never before. to examine again the life of Christ, and what it means to live in His Kingdom, His community, His body. and i am finding (no doubt, hey?) that love is not only the answer, it is the sole defining mark of all He is and all we are meant to be. now this sounds light and washy on the surface...but a closer look reveals the depth and cost and sacrifice of love.
of loving your own life not ...unto death.
of clothing the poor and mending those with a broken heart.
of walking the extra mile.

one of the jobs i am holding right now (...to pay the bills...) is revealing love to me in a way i never asked for, 'nor ever would if i knew the outcome of such a request. on all visible fronts, i should adore this job. those of you who know me at all, know that coffee is pretty much my best friend...and my job is a coffee shop, with decent hours, and it pays enough for what i need. when you look a little closer, however...it quickly goes from BAD to WORSE.
the clientele of this shop is older greasy men, with no life, no vision and sex drives that they rarely keep to themselves. i won't repeat what i hear there on a daily basis, but let's not joke around here...being slapped in the ass twice in a shift just about says it all.

i say these things not primarily for sympathy or as an outraged cry (though, that comes up now and again and i have plenty of my guy friends ready to break in and start a fight ) i say it to paint the picture. everything within me rages working there right now. and, on many levels i do believe that is ok and am definitely looking for a new place of employment as quickly as is possible. however, something has caught my attention from working there. and it is this: The many faces of poverty. my heart has always been for the outcast, my desire is for poverty to be history in North America and around this earth, for love to reign. i guess i always saw poverty more like my friends on the street back in Toronto. or that single mom who comes over now and again for breakfast. i am quickly seeing poverty in the faces of my customers. Impoverished . missing His heart. His Life. and im cherishing grace more than ever.

simple thoughts really, but remarkable for a hippie at heart.

thanx bonzi

2006-01-03T23:03:00.000-08:00

just a shout out to my good friend bonzi who is helping me revamp the site...i appreciate your help and have a few more questions...so that we can get this site functioning as damn well a blog site should. teehee.
love you kid.
and thanx everyone else for your patience...

and now...the rest of the story

2006-01-01T08:10:00.000-08:00

because I don't know who will all read this...and without naming names...
here is what i was thinking, as an overview. if anyone has further questions, email me. we'll talk.

to all the single males in this world that consider themselves followers of Christ. pay attention.
this is NOT a ticket to your new found blissful world of picking up chicks. trust me, it is brutal...and we don't like it. so don't pray for me or lay hands on me in effort to turn me on. don't ask me about my dreams and destiny to get in my pants. and whatever you do, do NOT bullshit around about your elated "call" in life and talk all the fancy religious talk and then sneak around trying not to get caught with who you really are.

for the love. be yourself. if you want to ask a girl out, ask her out.
if you want to save kissing for marriage...save it for marriage. but then really do that.
your talk is cheap and plain rediculous without the action.

i think that is enough for now.

it's late...this is part 1 of at least 2 parts...

2005-12-29T22:21:00.000-08:00

it's way too late, and if im not careful i am on my way to staying up 48hrs...
never good for the body, heart or mind...
but i dare say i will not be able to sleep soundly without exclaiming this one thing
let's not joke around here...who's kidding who...
what is UP with SPIRITUAL FLIRTING...
unreal.
can't handle it.
beyond rediculous.
goodnight.

23: Not just Jordan's number

2005-12-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

somehow my 23rd year has always intrigued me, and held some unknown significance. perhaps it is because from a young age i was captivated with the world known and adored Michael Jordan. from the day i laid eyes on the sports hero floating effortlessly through time and space, i wanted to be "like Mike". i adopted his number as my own, bought posters and read books...and of course, sported Air Jordan's like they were going out of style. 23. an epic number.

that was MANY years ago. or perhaps just, a handful of years. for those who know me now, and not then...the above paragraph may seem like a type of "kelly culture shock" as my life is a far cry from athletic these days. for those of you who knew me then and now...you probably just laugh along with me, and shake your head in wonder at the GOOD things God has done in a very short time. I was a DIFFERENT girl back then.
Not only did I love sports and anything to do with a court and hoop and ball...i was also deeply religious, way too skinny and a pain in the ass on most days.

well, im 23 now. older than i was, and hopefully wiser. ive seen enough of life to know that it's not everything i ever dreamed. but it certainly is wonderful. and if it was everything i dreamed, i don't think i would have a longing or desire for what is sacred. and, let's not joke around. i would not trade that for the world.

23 with not an investment, or degree or piece of furniture to my name. i have some stamps on my passport, a guitar with 2 bullet holes in it, a huge bodum for good coffee to be shared with friends, way too many cd's...and a heart that carries memory and joy, peace and sorrow. a heart that dreams beyond today, beyond this short 23rd year.

23 and looking ahead. not to a better time or place, but to each day in and of itself. to each moment, really. i am learning to be ALIVE in life. to look and hear and touch and taste and feel. to love. im looking ahead more than behind these days. i figure what has happened will always remain, and propel the future on some level. but what is to come intrigues me. and even more so, as i realize the intricate part i play in each day. i am learning to choose and decide. to speak up and to shut up. to love and to risk. and, ive learned a lot about making music...that there's only one way: bad ass.

23 and realizing that my days are numbered, my thoughts are but breath. that God is huge, and i am finite. that I love Him, though i could never claim to know him...and yet i consider us intimate. that blows me away constantly. 23 seems young at one moment and on the verge of old on others. 23 still feel helpless to change the world, but more inspired than ever to give it all ive got. 23 and so glad for friendship, for companions on the journey.

23 and glad i played basketball.
23 and glad i don't war anorexia anymore .
23 and ready to Live.
23 and in full support of making poverty history.
23 and still kinda shy sometimes.
23 and ready for adventure.
23 with a lot of questions.
23 and glad i don't have all the answers.
23 pouring my heart into music.
23 pouring my paychecks into music...chasing a dream...a beatnik at heart.
23 dreaming of tomorrow.

23 still awestruck by the MJ majic...
I saw him on Opera today. as handsome as ever, that ear to ear grin. and wise. he talked of pouring his heart and soul into what he loves. he talked of everyone, including his family that kind of wrote him off from truly succeeding in life. he took that, as fuel for fire. he is still the best damn basketball player to have graced the court. i don't care what anyone thinks. i think he may be onto something there. fuel. fire. a life alive.

23 treasuring today.

Home is...

2005-12-25T12:30:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in my parents living room. my dad, asking questions about blogging that I do not have answers for, my mom shamelessly laughing at the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and my sister, newly back from her home in Zambia, lazed out still adjusting to being back in Winkler. but, then again, so am I. It is interesting to come "home" for the holidays. I have not lived at "home" for years now. but here my parents remain, and here I find myself for Christmas, and sometimes in the heat of summer. And i never fail to ask the same question...
"what is home?" really?

and I don't think I have any answer, really. Not one that flows naturally, anyway. As of late it seems harder and harder for me to simply express what it is I am feeling, or thinking. sort of a longterm, graduated writers block. but like everything in life, the best things are worth fight for, and fighting through...so here we go...

home.
a place to stay, to be safe, to express and create. to love and try and fail and succeed. home is family, sometimes. very often home is sincere friendship and i am finding, home is often alone. (teehee, what a movie. definately the must see of this Christmas season) home is revolutionary and constantly changing. home is loving deeply and holding loosely.
home is recolection of beauty and well being...home is hope and promise for the future.
for those who love Jesus...home is here and not here. the tension of now and not yet (hehe tony...) living but always longing...and yet somehow embracing the home, the Kingdom that is among us, within us and always propeling us... "further in and higher up".

in moving away from my family, in traveling and loving and failing and loving again...i am finding home in my heart. in silence and beauty. in poverty and trust. in a treasured friends call, when the phone is generally despised, in the Chronicles of Narnia, in a cup of good coffee and of course in music and art. i am home in songs like "fix you" sung by new friends exploring their artistic ability, i am home in paintings amateur and pro, i am home in candle light, and midnight lit walks along the river. i am home in the key of C, home in memory of rolling hills in vallejo, home sharing tea in a muslin bag. "these are a few of my favorite things"

certainly i am home in the coming of Christ as a child, and His foretold return. and from knowing Christ, i find that my home, like His is with the Father. now and always.

i am learning home. learning from a sister who was certainly born in the wrong continent, and is African at heart. learning from my friend Bonnie who is home in the mystic gregorian chant and the musing of Clive Staples. learning from fellow musicians penning new lyrics and exploring new melodies that they themselves enjoy and play with subtle confidence. learning home from my homeless friend John, who wanted to buy me a cup of coffee for Christmas. learning from a young man who talks often of timing and love with base value. learning from a scottsman who freely opened his home and liquor cabinet to a girl on missions. learning from the long pull of an Americano in Kensington. learning home in the smoke that lingers from a clove. learning from a producer and friend who writes honestly and lives with courage and intrigue. learning from a dear heart that callm me Lucy. learning from old loves and new.

home.
will i move again? certainly. probably sooner than later. maybe not.
will i return to winkler? always, as long as the 'rents call our Smurf Palace home. (if you've been there, you know of what I speak)
and will i continue to pursue the question of home? always. with all my heart.
and will i continue to pursue and treasure every glimpse of home? absolutely.

Somewhere

2005-12-21T00:30:00.000-08:00

endless grey skies give way to dreams

scattered and untied

in between one love and new

hear the same music in the background

some things don't change and I think

I like it that way

I thought I knew

I know I don't

foolish letters sent to an address

hoping you would get them

hoping you would be

but I woke up yesterday morning

and you were nowhere to be found

have I just misplaced or has time finally erased

all that was and should never have been

grey is thicker now

moving in over roads that come and go

and always lead

to somewhere

kboyes

1014(for the badass boys)

2005-12-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

did i fail to mention or even begin to say
'cause sometimes it's so complicated
i keep it all in side
there's so little i trust in this human heart of mine
that it scares me
into retracting gestures and kindness and even the light of my eyes

was i caught red handed as i was staring your way
no im not so mysterious
i give in all away
there's so little i understand in this human heart of mine
that it scares me
into retracting gestures and kindess and even the light of my eyes

eveleigh you hold no secrets
eveleigh your honesty becomes me
eveleigh you tell no lies

eveleigh there's light in your eyes
someday ill find...

kboyes copyright 2005

awakening

2005-12-20T20:16:00.000-08:00

this entry is a long time in coming. a new dawn is rising, and I awake to meet it with courage and trembling.